Dare To Be Real

by Olga Hermans

Have you ever wondered why people do the things they do or what causes them to behave in a certain way they do? What motivates them to achieve or accomplish things in life? These are some good questions and to answer them we have to look within.

Though many people think they might know themselves and others, we cannot see what is happening on the inside of them or us; in our soul where our will, our mind and our emotions reside or what is in our heart.

We may get to know others over the course of time in a very personal way as we share our experiences in life, our hopes and our dreams and maybe our secrets from time to time. But we will always have limited access, because in the end it is always God who can see within the soul.

It Takes Courage

There are times that it really takes courage for us to look within ourselves and to see what is really going on; our hidden thoughts, desires and emotions that are tucked away but need to be dealt with. We might think or feel that most areas of our heart are perfectly fine.

But it really takes time to examine and reflect on the things we’ve experienced in life; we have to figure out how we really feel.

Life is a journey to be discovered and it brings a lot of change. As we go about to discover and uncover certain things about ourselves, we find out that we need to make adjustments in order to continue to grow and to become mature.

There is this continuous growth process and personal development that enables us and empowers us to be men and women of destiny and of purpose. When we discover who we really are we will experience that it liberates us to be free and to be the best at what we have been created to do here on this earth for God, for ourselves and for others.

Are You Willing To Look Within?

There is a quote from Oscar Wilde that I really like, it says: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Or Ralph Waldo Emerson, who says: “Make the most of yourself….for that is all there is of you.” I love quotes, you? The point is that we shouldn’t try to become someone you are not. Be real. Be yourself.

Oftentimes, when we are not true to ourselves, we end up deceiving ourselves in an attempt to be someone we really aren’t. We can get so caught up in the day to day interactions with other people and the things going on around us that, if we are not careful, we end up losing ourselves in the process.

Be Authentic

The key to being an authentic individual is having a pure heart and really knowing who you are, from the inside out. We are the sum of all the choices we have made in our life; the good, the bad and the ugly.

Everything that we have experienced from childhood to the present has helped to shape and mold our personalities and identities. My own experience that has definitely shaped me is that my parents passed on when I was twenty years old. This definitely has set me apart from many other people but also in a group of many people who have experienced the same.

Looking within may require us to face some real tough issues, but as we expose and uncover them, we allow God to do a work in us. Then the experience becomes a testimony to others of the goodness and the faithfulness of God.

Why We Do What We Do

Every issue in our life stems from what is within. This includes why we do the things we do. Whatever is in the inside will eventually be seen on the outside. Whether it is low self-esteem, pride, unforgiveness, appreciation, love, commitment, or some other underlying factors, they will determine our thoughts and our actions.

Pure Motives

It is within the heart that we can find the true reason or motive behind why we do what we do. People look at the outer appearance, God looks at our hearts. Many times in life we have to judge our hearts by asking questions like: Why do I do the things I do?
Am I going above and beyond my duties at work to simply be noticed, or because I am a diligent and dedicated worker? Do I help others just to be seen or for what I can get out of the deal, or am I doing it because it honors God? Doing right things for the wrong reasons, still doesn’t make things right.

Guard Your Heart

When change occurs on the inside of our hearts, it causes a change on the outside. True change will happen from the inside out. We are instructed in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our hearts diligently. Guarding ourselves against negative talk and negative people helps us to keep our hearts guarded and free from contamination.

When we put the right things in our hearts, we will get the right results in our lives.

Are You The Real Deal?

When we have the courage to look within, it causes us to be honest with ourselves about who we are at the very core of our being and we can honestly answer questions like: what drives my actions? What causes me to behave a certain way? What are my motives?

What are the things that keep you moving in a positive direction?

Don’t Be Controlled and Manipulated

by Olga Hermans

God has placed a divine destiny on your life. As you begin to walk in this destiny, you will not only have to deny yourself, you’ll also have to say “no” to others when the demands they place on you are in conflict with how the Holy Spirit is leading you.

If we are overly committed and caught up in meeting other people’s needs, it may be an indicator that something is out of balance. Our first priority is to seek wisdom regarding any commitment. For a season, the Holy Spirit may lead us to give sacrificially of our time and ourselves. But God is our source and we need to always stay connected to Him with our spirit, soul and body.

Taking proper care of ourselves is not selfish when it’s for the purpose of being a fit vessel. How can we be of service when we are depleted spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally? It is possible to carry this idea too far and become preoccupied with our own interests at the expense of serving others. That’s not what I’m suggesting. But I am saying that we cannot be continually responsible for others’ poor choices.

Many believers take on burdens and responsibilities that they were never intended to bear. We think we must meet every need we encounter. For some, it’s very easy to habitually take on others’ responsibilities. Those habits, left unchecked, can lead to believing that it is our job to keep everybody happy. It is one thing to be used of God as a source and it’s entirely another to take on others’ responsibilities to the extent that WE become their source.

And those who have no intention of carrying their own burdens, or of being responsible for their own choices, seem to have a sixth sense as to who are these hyper-responsible Christians. They seek them out like a heat-seeking missile, ready to offload their own God-given destinies and responsibilities on these willing burden bearers. Although they may not be aware of it, these people want to manipulate and control you. The truth is that some people don’t want to be helped; they don’t want to change. They like the attention their problems bring them. If we seek the Holy Spirit about our commitments, He will guide us as to whether to become involved or not.

It’s upsetting, frustrating, and discouraging when we find that we’ve made a wrong choice of taking on way too much responsibility for someone who won’t do what is right. Being responsible for someone else’s lifestyle choices and happiness is a heavy load.

It is not God’s intent for us to be controlled and manipulated by people who refuse to make good choices. We cannot be responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Even Jesus did not promise to give us happiness – no questions asked. Instead, His Word instructs in the way that leads to joy. If others are controlling us, it’s not their fault; it’s our own. We must be led by the Spirit to set appropriate boundaries. For example, don’t allow people to call at all hours of the day and night to dump their problems on you.

My oldest sister, who is mentally ill, still lives in The Netherlands. I don’t know how she did it, but she could make me feel so guilty whenever I didn’t do whatever she wanted. A few years ago, I would call her every day at the same time to speak scriptures over her life. She really enjoyed it and seemed to be doing so much better.

At some point, my husband and I scheduled a conference in Dallas. My sister expressed how afraid she was to have to miss our daily calls, so I agreed to call her every day while we were in Dallas. I disrupted my schedule and my focus on the conference to call her at our agreed upon time, but she wasn’t in. She had gone to a movie. I finally realized that even though she is mentally ill, I had to respond differently to the expectations she placed on me. My decision to set boundaries with her was very hard on me, but I had to do it.

Quit trying to be the keeper of the universe. That is not your job. Of course, it is not easy at first. God calls us to be givers and care for each other. But there is a big difference between caring and giving and allowing somebody to control you and make you feel guilty until you do what they want.

Will you choose to free yourself from being a people-pleaser and give those people to God?

You can subscribe to The Daily Choice which brings an encouraging message 5 days a week to your inbox by clicking here

Dare To Be Real

Dare To Be Real

It Takes Courage

Are You Willing To Look Within?

Be Authentic

Why We Do What We Do

Pure Motives

Guard Your Heart

Are You The Real Deal?

Don’t Be Controlled and Manipulated

Don’t Be Controlled and Manipulated

Search

One of Olga’s Books

Connect with Olga Every Day

Newsletter Archive