Four Ways To Receive and Process Rebuke Without Bitterness

November 7, 2012 by 11 Comments
Share on Tumblr Share

 

 

 

Four Ways To Receive and Process Rebuke
Without Bitterness

 

Rebuke is a curious, yet serious, word. It’s not used much outside of church circles.

I have taken inspiration for this post from Sparkling Gems from the Greek, November 6 (www.renner.org). The author, Rick Renner, approaches this topic from the perspective of having the integrity to confront a person who has offended you. I will instead examine it from the outlook of the one who is being corrected.

Quite honestly, just thinking about being rebuked makes me want to recoil. Isn’t that what Believers are always doing to Satan? Yet, I know that at times, I offend others both knowingly and unknowingly. It’s one thing to be called out from within my family, and quite another to be confronted by a friend or stranger.

Pastor Renner’s devotional, titled Confront, Forgive and Forget, inspired me to reflect back on the last time I was personally rebuked by someone outside of my family. The Holy Spirit taught me a lot from that experience which I want to share here. It is important that I clarify that this post is not about corrective actions that fall under the category of church discipline. We will discuss Believers rebuking fellow Believers. But, first things first, let’s define the biblical meaning of rebuke.

What Does Rebuke Mean?

Perhaps the thought of being rebuked is uncomfortable because I am thinking of the dictionary definition: “to express sharp disapproval or criticism of (someone) because of their behavior or actions.” That implies a harshness that is intended to wound the person being rebuked. The biblical meaning is quite different.

Pastor Renner does a beautiful job explaining the meaning of the word rebuke found in Luke 17:3. He says, “The word “rebuke” is the Greek word epitimao, which in this case means to speak frankly, honestly, and politely as you tell a person how you feel that he has wronged you. This doesn’t mean you have to speak to him like he’s a devil; it just means you need to directly and honestly confront him.”

The underlying motivation of the first is to strike out at the person being rebuked and thus harm the relationship. The underlying motivation of the second is to clear the air, and to restore the relationship to wholeness.

This topic is controversial because of the potential for the abuse of rebuking and also because, by nature, we are defensive when confronted. It is our nature to strike out. When someone corrects us, even in the most loving way, it takes a manifestation of the fruit of the Spirit to remain open and grounded. However, when we ask, God always provides a way for us to productively receive and process rebuke.

Productive Ways To Receive And Process Rebuke

The suggestions offered here have two overarching goals: to honor God and to guard against a root of bitterness. I can’t overemphasize the importance of immediately and routinely rooting out thoughts that would lead to bitterness. In my experience, it is extremely painful and difficult to eradicate bitterness, once left unchecked and deeply rooted.

• Center Yourself in the Holy Spirit

In any situation in which you are caught off-guard, or begin to feel emotional, train yourself to make your spirit aware of the Holy Spirit. This practice is so vital, yet under used. In essence you are praying, asking for His help in responding in the moment and beyond. What a comfort and encouragement it is to know the Helper and Comforter is right there with you, helping you to respond appropriately. Although it is done without speaking, it is powerful. The times I have, on the spot, asked God to help me to see the situation/person as He does, are the times I have been able to respond supernaturally, beginning with assuming the best about the person’s motives.

• Assume the Best

If you will take the position that the other person truly wants to make the relationship better, you can appreciate them for their candor in addressing the issue rather than letting it grow into a root of bitterness. It’s fairly natural to receive rebuke with defensiveness – especially if it’s delivered imperfectly. But we have the Holy Spirit as our helper to assess our part in causing the offense and to help us respond with the right attitude. And remember: “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood…” (Ephesians 6:12).

• Join Forces Against Your Common Adversary – Not Each Other

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and that includes relationships. Satan is the author of strife and loves to see Believers take offense. If you can be in agreement with the other person that you both want to restore wholeness to the relationship, it takes you out of a victim’s role. The person rebuking you is not your enemy. When both parties yield to God, relationships can be strengthened by dealing with the grievance instead of burying issues and pretending they don’t exist. Once the grievance has been aired and you are working together to resolve it, it’s time to seek and accept forgiveness and mercy.

• Seek and Receive Forgiveness and Mercy

Sometimes we are guilty of offense. Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding. And sometimes it’s just a matter of different personal styles of relating. At times, repentance and a change in attitude is called for. Other times, it’s appropriate to apologize in acknowledgement of what the other person is feeling. Sometimes, two people must agree to act in love toward each other despite personal style differences. Whichever the case, genuinely seek forgiveness and receive it. Follow your Heavenly Father’s example and then forgive yourself. Your heart is free. You have asked for forgiveness and received God’s mercy. Don’t mentally rehash it. Don’t continually talk about it. Consider the matter settled. Move on.

To Sum It Up

The meaning of rebuke implies a direct and honest confrontation. A rebuke can be personally and spiritually productive when we center ourselves in the Holy Spirit, assume the best of the other person, join forces against our common adversary, and seek and receive forgiveness. In doing so we honor God and guard against a root of bitterness.

 

Share on Tumblr Share
Filed Under: 5 Your Character Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Is Your Relationship with God Like Trying to Herd Cats?

September 19, 2012 by 12 Comments
Share on Tumblr Share

 

 

 

Is Your Relationship with God Like Trying to Herd Cats?


The expression “That’s like trying to herd cats” paints a picture that always makes me laugh. It perfectly captures the idea of trying to manage competing priorities and thoughts, each scurrying off in its own direction. Cats in a group have no central focus. They are here one minute, and there the next. Is your relationship with God like trying to herd cats?

For example, your pastor who is preaching a series on praise, exhorts you to begin your quiet times with praise. Then you hear a TV evangelist state that you should read the Bible through in a year. And of course there is that book that you’re reading about the importance of confessing God’s Word each day. You know you need to do that, too!

Thank God for all those who instruct, correct and encourage us. But if we are not on guard all these important items on our “To Do” lists become like cats scurrying about. By focusing on doing, we can lose sight of The Great I AM. Our relationship with God is the source from which all other things must flow.

What is a relationship with God focused on God?

I like to think of my relationship with God as “being” before “doing.” There is an element of rest and relaxation that comes from being in His presence and trusting Him to be God.

In a season of busyness, have you ever experienced the joy of sitting down with one you love and enjoying their company? It’s a treat because the time of intimacy is a refuge from the pressing demands we face. You emerge with a sense of connectedness and further strengthening of the relationship.

I believe that our intimate encounters with God bring about what the apostle Paul prays for the church in Philippians 1:9: …our “love abounds more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” (NIV).

But subtly and without our realizing it, we can drift into performing our spiritual “To Do” list as a way to earn love, avoid punishment or receive a benefit. And by doing so, we distance ourselves from the intimacy we were created to long for (Psalm 42:1).

What keeps us from pursuing a focused relationship with God?

There are many answers to this question but let’s look at three possibilities: feelings of unworthiness, impatience and lack of knowledge.

It’s common for people to feel the need to “clean themselves up” before coming into intimate contact with God. Even though they can never get quite clean enough. But, guess what. It was a Jesus-sized job to clean you up and He did it willingly! He shed His blood for your sins. In God’s eyes, you can’t get any cleaner than you are at this very moment.

Another reason people don’t pursue intimacy with God is their impatience with the process. God is complex and beyond our ability to understand. Yet He invites us to know Him. Focusing on God does not come with a formula that guarantees a specific result within a specific time frame. There are no short-cuts or crib sheets. It is your unique relationship with Him that you are called to.

Many people simply lack the knowledge that God is near, that He loves them and that He loves spending time with them. And that’s only a small portion of the Good News. Being in God’s presence and coming to love and know Him more is a position of limitless blessing.

There is nothing we can do for the Maker of the Universe, the One Who Has Done Everything For Us. There is nothing we can “do” to make Him love us more or less.

Are you saying we don’t have to do anything?

No. Placing intimacy with God as a priority doesn’t mean we don’t respond with some form of doing. Doing is a result of knowing Him, NOT the path to knowing Him. It’s just that the motivation behind all of our doing comes from knowing Him, fellowshipping with Him, and enjoying Him. Within the flow of such intimacy, doing is an outpouring of response to Him because it is grounded in Him.

How do I pursue a focused relationship with God?

The point of this topic is that there is no list of 5 things to do. Coming into deeper intimacy with God is between you and God. Be still and seek Him. Be patient. God doesn’t give you a set number of attempts to make a connection. He simply loves that you have come into His presence.

It is your relationship with God that empowers you throughout your time on earth and that you will take into eternity.

Don’t chase after spiritual “To Do” items like those scurrying cats. Instead focus your relationship with God on God. Allow Him to direct your “To Do” list. Cultivate intimacy with Him and watch your love abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you will know Him ever better.

You can subscribe to The Daily Choice which is a SPIRITUAL Devotion that helps you to make the right choices in your life by clicking here

 

Share on Tumblr Share
Filed Under: Making Choices in Life Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Is Your Focus?

September 3, 2012 by 3 Comments
Share on Tumblr Share

What Is Your Focus?

by Olga Hermans

As we go through life, it is very important that we choose our focus. Choosing a positive approach keeps us connected to the reliable lifeline of hope God has placed in each of us. In some instances, we focus on our circumstances such as our health concerns or our financial situation.

For example, when the doctor gives us a bad report, we start to worry and begin to place our focus on the news that just has been given to us. What we should do is having our focus on the truth of God’s Word. God says that you are healed.

So when the doctor’s report differs from the authentic report God has given us, we have to choose to focus on God’s Word. Even through the most tedious moments in life, we have to muster up the courage to activate our faith by believing His Word.

A Positive Outlook

Focusing on positive solutions and possible alternatives during difficult times helps us to maintain a positive outlook on life even when circumstances seem hopeless. By exercising our faith, we stretch and position ourselves to experience the miracles God has in store for us.

Some circumstances that occur in our lives have a way of dimming the positive aspects in our life. It’s not that positive things don’t exist after negative situations have occurred; rather, it is the shift in our thinking that causes us to give more attention to that which is negative and less to that which is positive. As a result, the positive can rarely be seen and enjoyed. It is like the old cliché, we can’t see the forest for the trees.

Focus On The Positive

Staying positive in a negative world is not easy, but it can be done. In fact, it must be done if we want our faith to continually increase. To live a positive life, we must intentionally focus our attention on good things. The Bible urges us to fix our thoughts on things that are true and of good report.

God never asked us to focus on the economy, our bank accounts, or other challenges we face. He knows those things will discourage us and cause us to cave in and quit.

Your bank account balance may not be where you need it to be right now. Your job security may seem a bit shaky, and your marriage may not be as fulfilling as you desire. But it doesn’t help to focus on the negative aspects of your situation.

These things are temporal, which means they are subject to change. Instead, thank God that you have a bank account, job, or marriage. Seek Him for the answers you need and allow Him to direct your path.

Focus More On God

The key to having a positive outlook on life is to focus more on God and less on the challenges we face. He is the only One who can sustain us while we’re going through the rough spots in our life and bring us out better than we were before.

There are times when focusing on the positive is a lot harder to accomplish than those around us might imagine. Very few people know the impact negative emotions can sometimes have in our lives. And every now and then, they may tell us to “get over it!”

While getting over it is what we want to do, it is much easier said than done. Sometimes life shocks us in such a way that it leaves us completely numb! I’ve been there. When my parents passed away, I simply wasn’t prepared. Nobody in our life had seen that coming, but even if we had, dealing with their absence in our life would have been less painful.

Other People Need Us

You too might have experienced some form of loss: the death of a loved one, divorce, or job layoff. Perhaps you’re dealing with a setback related to a relationship, your health, or finances. There are people who struggle with deeply rooted issues that sometimes lead to feelings of low self-esteem and hopelessness.

Unforgettable events such as physical, verbal, and mental abuse, abortion, alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution, and even incarceration can be overwhelming. The truth of the matter is that despite the origin of the negative or unjust circumstances we encounter, God is always with us. In Him alone we find the strength to grow and the courage to move forward.

Maybe none of these examples quite fit your current or past circumstances, but chances are, you know someone in your family, community, or workplace who is dealing with one of these or similar situations. Although you may not be completely aware of the challenges the person is enduring, your positive attitude can have a tremendous impact on their recovery.

Just as we want others to be sensitive toward us, we must also be sensitive toward them. We may never know why a person thinks or behaves the way he or she does, but we can be the positive force in their lives by demonstrating love, compassion, and respect.

 

 

Share on Tumblr Share
Filed Under: 6 Your Destiny Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Iron Sharpens Iron

July 10, 2012 by 66 Comments
Share on Tumblr Share

 

 

   

Iron Sharpens Iron

by Olga Hermans

Have you ever thought about who you want to hang out with? I want to be around people who are hungry for God. They have a sense of direction in life, but they also have this hunger for God and in this hunger for God they want to please God with their lives. I love it when people know where they are going and know what they want to do.

I love to be with them and let it rub off on me. I listen to them and ask them how they got where they are now from where they were. What was the most important choice that they made in their life and what was the worst. How do they make tough choices? What motivates them and so forth.

It is very important to know to whom people listen to. I think that, that is very important to know because you want to have the same source of influence in your life. Sometimes people are in church with great issues in their lives, they try to fight great temptations, but they are scared to go to somebody and be open about their life. So, they keep it to themselves and keep it as a secret. We need accountability in our life.

You know, when iron sharpens iron, sparks are going to fly! One person is chasing after God and the other person is not chasing after God, so when you confront a person on issues that are ungodly, sparks are going to fly.When there are no sparks flying then it is probably not a relationship where iron sharpens iron. But we need someone who is going to confront us on pride, selfishness and lust.

What about personal greed and jealousy? You want to be with people who are going to challenge you to take you forward in your walk with God and in your walk in life.You know, friends that you are able to bounce things off on and when they are able to put you in check; you are going to put them in check as well.

You actually need three types of people in your life:

1. Somebody who pours into you, somebody that you gain knowledge from; the ins and outs of life. Someone who helps you to stay focused on your vision that you so desperately like to accomplish.

2. Somebody that you can bounce things off on; somebody that can challenge you and build you up if necessary.

3. Somebody that you can pour into, all the knowledge that you gained can now flow into the life of somebody else.

Col 1:3-5 says: The Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.

We need that, don’t we? We need comfort, but then there are times that there are other people that God calls us to bless in a relationship. They need what we have to speak into their lives. Most importantly we can have relationships where we can confess our faults one to another so that we can be healed.

And at the same time, we can affirm each other; “I believe in you, I know that God has great things in store for your future, this is not the end; things like that seem to encourage us in a great way. Prov 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Ecc 4:9-10 “Two people are better than one because together they have a good reward for their hard work. If one falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how tragic it is for the one who is all alone when he falls. There is no one to help him get up.”

Two heads are better than one.
~John Heywood

Walking with a friend in the dark is
better than walking alone in the light.
~Helen Keller

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
~Arnold H. Glasow

You weren’t meant to go through life alone. God created you for a relationship. Relationships that will encourage you and strengthen you and challenge you. But more than anything, God wants a relationship with you Himself. God wanted a family from the very start; He wants you as a part of His family.

You can make a choice today to surrender your life to Him. He is a very good iron sharpener 🙂 Most important is that He loves you no matter what.

You can subscribe to The Daily Choice which brings an encouraging message 5 days a week to your inbox by clicking here

Share on Tumblr Share
Filed Under: 3 Your Actions Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,