The Art Of Resolving Conflicts (Part 3)

by Olga Hermans

 

Unresolved issues in your life need to come under the control of the Holy Spirit. We live in a world right now where there is fear, intimidation and abuse going on. We as Christians, if Christ is in us, should have the Holy Spirit working at something all the time ; that way we grow from Glory to Glory and become more like Him. He will change us when He really has Lordship in our lives.

Do you remember Lee Harvey Oswald who killed President Kennedy? His father died when he was born, his mother couldn’t handle him or his brother so she put them into an orphanage. Then she remarried and got them out , but the man that she remarried divorced her again. Lee Harvey Oswald was really a troubled child at school; kids would tease him and boys would beat him up. When he was 17 he joined the marines;  he was abused when he was in the military and then, at one point, dishonorably discharged. He moved to the Soviet Union and thought to become a citizen but they didn’t want him and was not allowed to become a Russian citizen, then he went back to the United States. One thing that he was good at was his guns. So, because of all his emotional issues that never got resolved, he ended up killing president Kennedy.

Next is an opposite story.

During the Korean War, a South Korean Christian, a civilian, was arrested by the communists and ordered shot. But when the young communist leader learned that the prisoner was in charge of an orphanage caring for small children, he decided to spare him and kill his son instead. So they shot the nineteen-year-old boy in the presence of his father.

Later the fortunes of war changed, and the young communist leader was captured by the United Nations forces, tried, and condemned to death. But before the sentence could be carried out, the Christian whose boy had been killed pleaded for the life of the killer. He declared that he was young, that he really did not know what he was doing. “Give him to me,” said the father, “and I’ll train him.”

The United Nations forces granted the request, and that father took the murderer of his boy into his own home and cared for him. Today the Young Communist is a Christian Pastor.
Just the opposite of what had happened with lee Harvey Oswald. You can take a troubled teenager that has been rejected by society and bring change into that life. If we can reach children at a young age; we can save them from becoming like Lee Harvey Oswald.  If we can reach them with the love of Jesus; their conscious will work in their hearts. Even when they get pulled in by the gangs, that they will be pulled back, because that conscious, that voice will be there to talk to them and draw them back.

How do you resolve conflicts?

First of all, don’t avoid it. King David avoided it; he avoided talking to his son Absalom. The scripture tells us that Absalom had killed his brother, because his brother had killed his distant brother so to say and he had raped his sister. He was mad. Instead of correcting it before he had killed his brother, David never corrected it. He just said something like “you should never have done that”.

Absalom took it in his own hands, he killed his own brother and then he fled the country. David then lost his son that died and now he had lost a son that had run away. David was grieving on the inside for his son, but he didn’t want to ask him to come back. Somebody addressed him on it and he ends up letting his son Absalom come back. After David gets him close to his home; he won’t talk to him. He just didn’t say one word to him.

All this is working on the inside of Absalom who is handsome and has a charismatic personality. He goes after the people, he decides to go after his father’s kingdom. He starts talking to the people, he is getting a group around him and then he begins to revolt and tries to take the kingdom from his father. His father had to leave his throne and Jerusalem for a season. Absalom got killed and David returned back to his throne. The sad thing is that, that relationship never got healed; never got reconciled.

Don’t avoid, don’t ignore a relationship conflict at an early stage when you know that if you don’t deal with it then; it could evolve into something worse and that would affect a lot of different people in a negative way.

Then when you do want to resolve a conflict, be humble. Prov.15:1 says: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger”. So, be humble, you want God to sow mercy into your life. I can guarantee you when you sow mercy into somebody else’s life you will reap mercy. When you end up somewhere messing up your own life, you will receive mercy yourself. But when you are hard on people, than you will receive that people be hard on you when you fail, when you miss it.

So, don’t ignore the issue; be humble, share the conflict that you have experienced with this person in a kind way and not in a condemning way. When you have talked, allow them to talk and listen. Be willing to admit your own failure in the conflict, if you have done something wrong, even if it is a just little. Tell them that you apologize, tell them that you don’t want to have this conflict.

Phil.2:3 says: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”

Make the choice and decide to go into the conversation to keep the peace of God, reconciling with each other and pray for one another. Even when the conversation comes to an end and you’re not totally in agreement; decide to agree to disagree with one another. But make a decision that you come to a place of peace, where you are able to be at peace with that other person. Pray for the other person and pray for yourself.

Let God’s Holy Spirit take control in that situation to turn it around and  let God change you. If you leave a conflict and you are not changed, then that thing can happen all over again. Make a decision and say: ”God, change me, if there are things in my life that create conflict with other people, I open my heart to You that You can show me and that You can change me.”

Here is a story of a man that was reached by Victory Christian Center in  a McAllister prison, Oklahoma years ago, he made it right with God before he stepped into eternity.

John Duty was executed in December 2010; his last statement was: ”If God can change me, He can change anybody.” Can God forgive? God can forgive where there is a broken heart. A heart that is been broken up before Him, a heart that humbly says “forgive me Lord, I am a sinner, I was wrong and I ask You to forgive me.”

John Duty’s testimony is a tough one, but I want you to know something. The grace of God changed John’s life before he left this earth and I believe that the grace of God can change any life. If we humble ourselves, then God can change us and if we repent and if we let Jesus work in our lives.

“Repentance occurs when our hearts and minds are awakened to God’s glorious potential for our lives.” Tony Cooke

Prayer for Salvation
God in Heaven, I come to You in the name of Your Son, Jesus. I confess that I haven’t lived my life for You. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. I believe that He died on the cross and rose again from the dead so I might have a better life now and eternal life in heaven. Jesus, come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. From this day forward, I’ll live my life for You to the best of my ability. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

 

4 Causes For Conflict (Part 2)

by Olga Hermans

 

When you really think about how diverse our society, our communities, our neighborhoods and sometimes even our families are. There are so many people with different backgrounds and cultures around us with different perspectives and approaches to life, it shouldn’t surprise us that we have many opportunities for conflict and that it becomes a part of our life.

Let’s have a look at some examples out of the bible and see what is most important to our conflicts. We can make a choice and let God work on the inside of us so that that particular conflict will not come back any more because it is dissolved by the power of the Holy Spirit.

How does conflict begin? There are several reasons why conflict and strife happens:

1. Different Personalities.
When people with different personalities come together, conflicts can happen. You might have heard somebody say about another person sometimes that people are prophetic motivated and come across really strong, others are mercy motivated or teaching motivated. Never let you personality be a copout for what God wants to do in changing your life.

I don’t want people to say “that’s just Olga”. Because if that is the fact I have settled into being the way I am and not willing to be changed. Until Jesus returns I need to be willing to be changed from Glory to Glory. I can continue in my personality but I have to let my personality to be tempered by the work of the Holy Spirit.

2. Different backgrounds.
Conflicts happen because of different backgrounds. In Numbers 12: Miriam and Aaron was Moses’ older brother and sister, Moses married a woman not of his race. Miriam addressed it because she didn’t think it was right. There was conflict over an interracial marriage and not only that, but there was a conflict because Miriam said: “does God just only speak to you only? God speaks to me and Aaron too.”

There was a conflict of respect in leadership. Moses didn’t want to argue with her and said: “just let God decide in this conflict.” He took a humble position in it. Miriam got leprosy and she was put outside of the camp. Her attitude ended up separating her from the people that she was called to be with and that she loved. Her attitude separated her. Aaron wanted Moses to pray for her because Miriam was their sister. Moses did that, he interceded for her, Miriam was healed and she came back into the camp.

I can guarantee you that Miriam never had that problem again.

3. Lack of communication.
Lack of communication can cause conflict; this is a biggie! Conflict comes when one doesn’t tell something to the other party that they need to know, when the moment arises that one of the two finds out that he/she doesn’t know about a certain issue or situation. Lack of communication can create a lot of conflict.

Prov.13:17 say: reliable communication can permit progress. Frustration ends where communication begins. That is very good statement that you can use in every relationship. When we do not communicate, people get frustrated. They don’t know what to do or they are not prepared to do something.
Another thing that can really frustrate is “selective communication”. People only give you what they want you to know. Luke 12:2 says that the hidden things will be revealed.

People can hide things, but ultimately it gets exposed. After a while people get sloppy and they reveal themselves. I have seen people cheating on their spouse and after a while it gets revealed. God wants us to have relationships where we are hiding things and there is an honesty and openness.

How you communicate is as important as the communication itself. You have to choose to communicate in the love of God, because what you sow you are going to reap. Choose to communicate with humility and with mercy filled with the love of God

4. Jealousy and Resentment.
Jealousy and Resentment can create conflict. James 3:16 says “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work”. Strife means self seeking ambition, more concerned about yourself and fulfillment of your own wants and desires than meeting the needs of other people.

When there is jealousy, resentment or there is strife; there is confusion. Strife creates a conflict but it also causes confusion in the person.

Genesis 4 tells us about the first conflict between of Cain and Able. They were brothers. God had already given Adam and Eve and their family a way of approaching Him. They had to bring a blood sacrifice; the blood of an animal in order to approach Him. Why? The blood would cover their sin to come into the presence of God.

Cain brought the first fruits of his hands, of his work. Have you ever asked yourself why God didn’t accept his offering? God rejected his offering because God had already given them the way to approach Him was a blood offering. Because ultimately God knew that He was going to send his Son to be the blood offering for our sins, to cleanse our sins so that we can come boldly into the presence of God and if we think we can come with our works to be saved. Then we are missing it, because our works cannot save us. Only the blood of Jesus can save you from your sin.

That doesn’t mean that your works don’t make any difference. Our works do make a difference, because after we are saved Paul tells us that we have to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, knowing that God now is at work in you to help you. Faith without works or corresponding actions is dead.

Cain brought his offering because he wanted God to confirm his works. It is not works that affirm us before God; it is our humility where we come before God and say: “God, I need you and I offer myself to you. I ask you to cleanse me from my sins so that I can come boldly into your throne of grace.

The conflict was resentment and jealousy on Cain’s part. He killed Abel, because his jealousy ate at him.

We have to let deal with our conflicts on the inside of us. Emotional issues that never get resolved cause conflict. There are children that grow up in homes where there is abuse, control, manipulation, screaming and yelling, harsh words, cursing and critical words that go on. Parents think that it doesn’t matter, but they are creating a time bomb.

How To Resolve Conflicts

by Olga Hermans

 

Wherever we are, whatever we do; anywhere we are together with people, we have opportunity for conflicts. We have a choice to make whether we choose to resolve the conflict or we suppress the issue and go on. It is very imperative that we know how to resolve conflict in relationships, how to resolve conflict in marriage, what are causes of conflict. It is a very important for our own good that we know what to do in the middle of a conflict.

Jesus called us in Matthew 5:9 to be peacemakers. He said “blessed are the peacemakers”, the reward is that people will call you a Christian! So, if you are not a peacemaker, I guess the opposite is true and they won’t call you a Christian.

It says: “you are called the children of God”; that means that you are identified by the world. The world wants to see a difference in us; in our behavior as well as in our words! Hebr.12:14-15 says “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to causes trouble and defile many”. NIV We have to choose to make an effort!

When we get born again and we surrender our hearts to Jesus; we have peace with God and that is an awesome feeling. I remember that feeling very well, it was an overwhelming feeling. After that many of us come to realization though that we are not always that peaceful person that we thought salvation would bring with it.  We know that Christ is in us; He is the prince of Peace and he should be governing our life. But there have been times that we have been out of peace.

But he says “make every effort”. You have to make an effort to be a peaceful person, because peace doesn’t just happen just because you got saved. You still have to do something; you still have to make the effort to live at peace.

Be at peace with all men means your spouse, your family, your church and the people you work with. Wherever you are, strangers; you are a peacemaker. You try to create peace wherever you go.

And be holy! This is the part that many people would like to erase out of their bible: “without holiness no one will see the Lord”. People like to just get rid of that. They just like to go with the fact “God loves me and that’s all I need”. But the bible says that without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to causes trouble and defile many.

How do you miss the grace of God? When you choose not to submit to the Lord and allow Him to work in your life. You miss His grace that enables you to work through things and you miss His grace that forgives you if you hold on to unforgiveness. Because you are resisting God; God resists the proud because they are resisting Him.

And without holiness no one will see the Lord. 2Cor.7:1 says:” Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God”. What does that mean? You see, the blood of Jesus cleanses you from your sin when you release your faith in God. But in the verse he says that you have to separate yourself from immorality unto God. You have to make a choice and make a decision to cut that off from your life and not to do certain things any more.

For instance when people are living together before they are married, they stop that and make a choice to not do that anymore. They get saved and the light goes on and they know that that is something they want to take out of their lives.

He says: “cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit”. What is the spirit part? The spirit part is what is on the inside of you like wrong attitudes, anger issues, unforgiveness, bitterness, resentness, jealousy, pride; those are all inside. That is filthiness of the spirit. You have to get rid of all that stuff. You have to choose your holy direction for your life.

So, you have to choose to make the effort to live in peace with all men and to live holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God. So, obviously you can miss the grace of God even after you are born again.

Peace in the Greek “Irene” means wholeness, completeness, tranquility in the soul that is unaffected by outward circumstances or pressures. People who live at peace are people that have an inner security that comes from their relationship with Jesus Christ; no matter what is happening around them.
Holiness means consecration to God; keeping something you value as precious to you and to God.

When you make a choice that you are going to live in that Holy direction of your heart with God then you see your relationship with God as something more precious than that lust over there. You see your relationship with God as something valuable. You are thinking of eternity; you are not just thinking of the moment.

When you are at peace; you are free from mental conflict and disturbance. When you have peace, you have harmony. There is peace on the inside and harmony with God and there is harmony with you and people.

Col.3:15 Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. Msg.
Ampl says: And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts; where Christ is the umpire and continually calling the calls in your life. Let the peace of God keep you in tune with one another.

The Glory will fill the earth as the waters cover the sea through people. People! 2Cor.3:18 says “as we behold the image of Him”. How do we behold the image of God? In The Word, when you open up your Bible, it is a mirror to you. When you behold the image of Him; you will be transformed from Glory to Glory. God doesn’t want you to stay at the place where you got saved; He wants you to progress. He wants His Glory to be seen in your life.

He doesn’t want us to be just satisfied. He wants us to yearn for Him and tell Him that we want to be changed so that His Glory can fill your temple that the Glory of God can flow through us towards other people that are around us, that the Glory of God can be revealed through our lives, through us being healed or other miracles.

You see, God wants His Glory to be seen. It can’t be seen when we choose to walk in our own lust or that we choose to go in our direction instead of His divine direction.

We live in a world right now where there is conflict in the nations of the world, governmentally. There is conflict right now in homes and marriages. If you watch the news you will see a lot of conflict on a regular basis. There is an intensifying of the enemy as well as there is an intensifying of God in the day that we are living in.

There is that spirit of conflict and strife that we have to be aware of, so that we do not enter into that direction of that spirit and that we say: “The spirit of God lives in me, it is greater than my problems and I am going to choose to submit to the spirit of God, I am not letting those spirits that are in the world around us influence me”.

Until Jesus returns we need to be willing to be changed from Glory to Glory. When we make a powerful choice to be changed on the inside by God, we will experience that that is the only way to resolve our issues. God loves us so much that He doesn’t want us to stay the same. I want to encourage you to come back tomorrow for part 2 and you will gain even more insight on how to resolve conflicts.

See you tomorrow:
Olga